


I Am No Source of Honey

by haemophilus



Category: Arrested Development
Genre: Alternate Universe - His Dark Materials Fusion, Arrested Development Kink Meme, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-08 17:28:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11651307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haemophilus/pseuds/haemophilus
Summary: GOB hits puberty, and his daemon becomes a bee. Crossposted from the Arrested Development Kink Meme.





	I Am No Source of Honey

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah so I wrote this for the currently dead ad-kink meme and then four years passed and I never posted it and now I have a new account and I'm posting it to the new account. Hello tumbleweeds and stragglers! I hope you enjoy this fic.

Five days after GOB’s seventeenth birthday, he wakes up with a bee floating by his ear. Half awake, he swats at it, only to feel a wrenching pain in his stomach when the damn thing hits his hand. He sits up in his bed, rubs his eyes, and crooks his finger. The bee buzzes over and lands on it.

“Elihu, is that you?” he asks the bee.

“Yes,” buzzes the bee back. It sounds happy. _Settled_ even.

“Why the hell are you a bee? Yesterday you were a rabbit and a dove and a white miniature elephant, and you’ve decided to settle as a _bee_?”

“Why are you GOB?” asks the bee. “I don’t have any answers; I just know that this is who we are.”

The second swat is just as painful as the first, but it’s worth it.

***

During breakfast that morning, Elihu buzzes around the kitchen happily. GOB glares grumpily at it as he eats his French toast. The table is unusually quiet, which is mostly due to him not saying a word.

After pollinating the lone flower on the windowsill (which feels strangely. . .satisfying), Elihu zooms back over to the table and begins hovering around the ears of Michael’s daemon, Jude. This morning it is the shape of a cat, like their sister’s who has already settled. Jude swats at it, clearly irritated. Elihu is not deterred by this, and proceeds to make himself even more of a pest by landing on Jude’s face and tail. Michael glares at GOB, who is just barely keeping a straight face.

“Dad, tell GOB to tell Elihu to change into something less annoying,” he says.

“GOB, cut it out,” says George sleepily from behind the paper.

GOB glares back. “He can’t change. This is it.”

The table is silent for a moment before Lindsay says, “Well, that. . .is weirdly fitting. Um. . .congratulations, GOB.”

Bolstered with confidence about himself, Elihu sets himself on Lindsay’s head to lord it over the table. Lindsay shrieks and smacks at him.

“Don’t hit him!” cries GOB. “He’s small.”

“A bug was sitting on my head!” says Lindsay. Her daemon, Esther, bristles with anger.

“You liked him when he was a canary on your shoulder yesterday. He’s still the same!” says GOB. It’s not true, but it’s still irritating.

“He’s not gonna come sit on my head is he, older brother?” asks Buster with a shaky voice. His daemon transforms into a mouse and scurries underneath the kitchen counter.

“He’d better not. No son or daughter of mine will go off to school all swollen up with stings.” says Lucille. She takes a sip of her ‘special morning drink’ and glares at the bee as he flies back over to GOB’s shoulder and plants himself there.

Michael looks like he’s going to burst into giggles at any moment. GOB kicks him under the table.

***

Within a week, Elihu has gotten into real fights with all of his siblings’ daemons behind their parents’ backs and lost miserably.  It’s lucky that his stinger grows back. It still hurts like hell though when Elihu loses it.

Curious about his daemon’s new form, he goes to the library for the first time in five years. He picks out a book called “The Bee Encyclopedia” and starts to read.

 He learns first that Elihu pollinating flowers is basically him helping them have sex while eating at the same time, like a sort of plant-plant-bee threesome plus cake. He swells with pride at the amount of action that Elihu is now getting.

Now, as in “right now.” There’s a windowsill full of flowers in the library, and he’s taken no time in putting himself inside every last one of them.

“Elihu, you sly. . .bee. Oh, the other daemons are going to be so jealous,” he says as Elihu buzzes back over, satiated, and perches on his shoulder.

He learns also that bees usually die when they sting people, but that bee daemons have regenerative powers and mostly just use their stingers to annoy and intimidate other daemons.

One thing that nags at him, however, is that he learns that bees are usually social animals. The pictures in the bee encyclopedia show huge colonies of hundreds of bees with little honeycombs filled with honey.

 _“Most people with bee daemons have entire colonies that function as one unit,”_ says the book.

 When GOB turns the page to the full color illustrations, Elihu flies down to sit on a colony of bees. He touches his antennae to them. As Elihu has already taken care of ‘hungry’ and ‘erections’ in one fell swoop, GOB interprets this emotion as envy.

“We don’t have to be jealous, Elihu, you’re unique. You’re a colony of one,” he says. He doesn’t really believe it, because he too feels a strange envy for people with whole-colony daemons. But GOB figures if he says it enough times, eventually he’ll think it’s true.


End file.
